April 23-29: Quality Funnies

MONDAY, APRIL 23

DISTURBANCES

3:05 a.m. - Two women were found crying outside a downtown restaurant. One of the women, who had just been at a bachelorette party, was determined to be the expected bride in a wedding that was called off by the groom.

11:26 p.m. - Police got a report of a man in a wheelchair yelling obscenities on North Pleasant Street. He was told to move along from the location.

NOISE COMPLAINTS

7:05 a.m. - Police issued a $300 ticket for violating the town's noise bylaw to a woman repeatedly warned about not using her treadmill to disturb a neighbor at Village Park.
*either this lady LOVES her treadmill, or she hates her neighbor, as this is the 4th report I've seen involving her and her treadmill...*

ANIMAL COMPLAINTS

7:23 p.m. - Three large pigs running loose on a South East Street property were brought under control and put back in their pen.
*perhaps we should connect these "large pigs" with the Village Park Treadmill lady...*

TUESDAY, APRIL 24

SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY

5:32 p.m. - A Village Park woman reported a man was painting in the woods outside her home. Police advised the woman she could get a harassment order in court.
*Good God, NO! NOT PAINTING IN THE WOODS!!!*

NOISE COMPLAINTS

10:54 p.m. - Police issued a verbal warning to Main Street residents holding a loud party.
*I'm the one who made this call...they were blasting Mr.Jones by The Counting Crows, which is COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!*

THURSDAY, APRIL 26


SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY

9:19 p.m. - Suspicious people dressed in black clothing and carrying garbage bags were reported in the area of South East Street and Eveningstar Drive. At 9:53 p.m., after getting more reports about these people, police determined they were participating in a scavenger hunt. 


LARCENY
 
1:28 a.m. - Police are investigating the theft of a painting depicting an ostrich from the wall of a downtown restaurant.
  *NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE OSTRICH PAINTING!!!*

FRIDAY, APRIL 27

SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY

2:03 p.m. - A South Whitney Street woman told police someone entered her home overnight and left a condom in the bathroom.

SATURDAY, APRIL 28

CITIZEN ASSISTANCE

9:32 a.m. - Hazel Avenue residents having a pig roast with 10 tables for guests were advised to hold their party at another time.
*I feel like that's a bit early...*

2:05 p.m. - Police were called to a North Amherst location to assist a man in removing handcuffs that a friend had put on him the night before as a prank.
*hahahahahaha*

RECOVERED PROPERTY

3:53 p.m. - A box filled with beer found on Nutting Avenue was confiscated for destruction.
*yeah, "destroyed" by some officers' bellies!*

BREAK-INS

2:03 a.m. - A Puffton Village woman called police to report that her home had been entered and her laptop stolen. She later told police that the incident was a prank by her boyfriend to demonstrate how easy it is for an intruder to enter a residence when windows are left unlocked. He had hidden the laptop beneath her mattress.
*and that's why you ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE!*

TRAFFIC

4:18 p.m. - A vehicle squealing its tires as it sped out of the parking garage was stopped by police. The driver told police he was upset that no parking spots were available.