Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
April 23-29: Quality Funnies
MONDAY, APRIL 23
DISTURBANCES
3:05 a.m. - Two women were found crying outside a downtown restaurant. One of the women, who had just been at a bachelorette party, was determined to be the expected bride in a wedding that was called off by the groom.
11:26 p.m. - Police got a report of a man in a wheelchair yelling obscenities on North Pleasant Street. He was told to move along from the location.
NOISE COMPLAINTS
7:05 a.m. - Police issued a $300 ticket for violating the town's noise bylaw to a woman repeatedly warned about not using her treadmill to disturb a neighbor at Village Park.
*either this lady LOVES her treadmill, or she hates her neighbor, as this is the 4th report I've seen involving her and her treadmill...*
ANIMAL COMPLAINTS
7:23 p.m. - Three large pigs running loose on a South East Street property were brought under control and put back in their pen.
*perhaps we should connect these "large pigs" with the Village Park Treadmill lady...*
TUESDAY, APRIL 24
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
5:32 p.m. - A Village Park woman reported a man was painting in the woods outside her home. Police advised the woman she could get a harassment order in court.
*Good God, NO! NOT PAINTING IN THE WOODS!!!*
NOISE COMPLAINTS
10:54 p.m. - Police issued a verbal warning to Main Street residents holding a loud party.
*I'm the one who made this call...they were blasting Mr.Jones by The Counting Crows, which is COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!*
THURSDAY, APRIL 26
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
9:19 p.m. - Suspicious people dressed in black clothing and carrying garbage bags were reported in the area of South East Street and Eveningstar Drive. At 9:53 p.m., after getting more reports about these people, police determined they were participating in a scavenger hunt.
LARCENY
1:28 a.m. - Police are investigating the theft of a painting depicting an ostrich from the wall of a downtown restaurant.
*NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE OSTRICH PAINTING!!!*
FRIDAY, APRIL 27
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
2:03 p.m. - A South Whitney Street woman told police someone entered her home overnight and left a condom in the bathroom.
SATURDAY, APRIL 28
CITIZEN ASSISTANCE
9:32 a.m. - Hazel Avenue residents having a pig roast with 10 tables for guests were advised to hold their party at another time.
*I feel like that's a bit early...*
2:05 p.m. - Police were called to a North Amherst location to assist a man in removing handcuffs that a friend had put on him the night before as a prank.
*hahahahahaha*
RECOVERED PROPERTY
3:53 p.m. - A box filled with beer found on Nutting Avenue was confiscated for destruction.
*yeah, "destroyed" by some officers' bellies!*
BREAK-INS
2:03 a.m. - A Puffton Village woman called police to report that her home had been entered and her laptop stolen. She later told police that the incident was a prank by her boyfriend to demonstrate how easy it is for an intruder to enter a residence when windows are left unlocked. He had hidden the laptop beneath her mattress.
*and that's why you ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE!*
TRAFFIC
4:18 p.m. - A vehicle squealing its tires as it sped out of the parking garage was stopped by police. The driver told police he was upset that no parking spots were available.
DISTURBANCES
3:05 a.m. - Two women were found crying outside a downtown restaurant. One of the women, who had just been at a bachelorette party, was determined to be the expected bride in a wedding that was called off by the groom.
11:26 p.m. - Police got a report of a man in a wheelchair yelling obscenities on North Pleasant Street. He was told to move along from the location.
NOISE COMPLAINTS
7:05 a.m. - Police issued a $300 ticket for violating the town's noise bylaw to a woman repeatedly warned about not using her treadmill to disturb a neighbor at Village Park.
*either this lady LOVES her treadmill, or she hates her neighbor, as this is the 4th report I've seen involving her and her treadmill...*
ANIMAL COMPLAINTS
7:23 p.m. - Three large pigs running loose on a South East Street property were brought under control and put back in their pen.
*perhaps we should connect these "large pigs" with the Village Park Treadmill lady...*
TUESDAY, APRIL 24
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
5:32 p.m. - A Village Park woman reported a man was painting in the woods outside her home. Police advised the woman she could get a harassment order in court.
*Good God, NO! NOT PAINTING IN THE WOODS!!!*
NOISE COMPLAINTS
10:54 p.m. - Police issued a verbal warning to Main Street residents holding a loud party.
*I'm the one who made this call...they were blasting Mr.Jones by The Counting Crows, which is COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!*
THURSDAY, APRIL 26
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
9:19 p.m. - Suspicious people dressed in black clothing and carrying garbage bags were reported in the area of South East Street and Eveningstar Drive. At 9:53 p.m., after getting more reports about these people, police determined they were participating in a scavenger hunt.
LARCENY
1:28 a.m. - Police are investigating the theft of a painting depicting an ostrich from the wall of a downtown restaurant.
*NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE OSTRICH PAINTING!!!*
FRIDAY, APRIL 27
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
2:03 p.m. - A South Whitney Street woman told police someone entered her home overnight and left a condom in the bathroom.
SATURDAY, APRIL 28
CITIZEN ASSISTANCE
9:32 a.m. - Hazel Avenue residents having a pig roast with 10 tables for guests were advised to hold their party at another time.
*I feel like that's a bit early...*
2:05 p.m. - Police were called to a North Amherst location to assist a man in removing handcuffs that a friend had put on him the night before as a prank.
*hahahahahaha*
RECOVERED PROPERTY
3:53 p.m. - A box filled with beer found on Nutting Avenue was confiscated for destruction.
*yeah, "destroyed" by some officers' bellies!*
BREAK-INS
2:03 a.m. - A Puffton Village woman called police to report that her home had been entered and her laptop stolen. She later told police that the incident was a prank by her boyfriend to demonstrate how easy it is for an intruder to enter a residence when windows are left unlocked. He had hidden the laptop beneath her mattress.
*and that's why you ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE!*
TRAFFIC
4:18 p.m. - A vehicle squealing its tires as it sped out of the parking garage was stopped by police. The driver told police he was upset that no parking spots were available.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
April 2nd - April 15th: The weather gets warmer and the drunks get drunker
I've omitted all the reports of drunk driving, loud parties, etc, because they're dull, and there's too many of them.
TUESDAY, APRIL 3
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
7:29 a.m. - A Puffton Village woman told police someone may have entered her home overnight and turned on the light in the living room. *that is SOOOO SUSPICIOUS*
THURSDAY, APRIL 5
MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENTS
9:12 p.m. - Michelle S. Rollins, 38, of Three Rivers lost control of the vehicle she was driving on South East Street. The vehicle hit the gravel shoulder and eventually rolled onto its roof, police said.
Rollins suffered minor injuries and was taken by Amherst Fire Department ambulance to Cooley Dickinson Hospital in Northampton for treatment, police said.
Rollins' vehicle sustained heavy damage, police said.
*I drove past this accident on my way home from my parents house, and there were 2 fire trucks, and ambulance, and at least 4 cop cars. I will also note that she is not related to me...*
SATURDAY, APRIL 7
CITIZEN ASSISTANCE
9:27 a.m. - Police are working with Village Park tenants and management to resolve ongoing noise issues related to a woman who regularly uses a treadmill in the early-morning hours.
DISTURBANCES
10:42 p.m. - A Mill Hollow Apartments resident celebrating Easter by yelling was advised to calm down.
MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENTS
10:34 a.m. - A U-Haul rental vehicle struck the low railroad bridge on South East Street, causing minor damage to the vehicle, police said.
The vehicle was able to back out from the bridge, but later got stuck in a nearby field and had to be towed, police said.
*this is why you shouldn't drive a U-haul rental vehicle unless you ACTUALLY know what you're doing...*
SUNDAY, APRIL 8
BREAK-INS
6:53 p.m. - Police received a report that the Amherst Survival Center on North Pleasant Street had been broken into through a kicked-in door.
The intruder is alleged to have stolen loose change and left excrement on the floor, police said.
*Ew?*
MONDAY, APRIL 9
NOISE COMPLAINTS
6:05 a.m. - Police responded to Village Park after receiving a complaint about a woman using an exercise machine that woke up a neighbor. Police asked management to help mediate the situation.
*This lady and her treadmill!*
SATURDAY, APRIL 14
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
8:49 a.m. - A Shays Street resident reported 27 trash bags thrown into the woods near his property. Police determined the bags were filled with remnants from a large barbecue. Police are investigating who illegally disposed of the trash.
*I was fully expecting the trash bags to be filled with body parts, not barbecue remnants...although I do enjoy how they worded this one*
CITIZEN ASSISTANCE
12:23 p.m. - A downtown resident told police a neighbor took photographs of him while he was gardening.
*was he wearing his sexy gardening outfit?*
TUESDAY, APRIL 3
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
7:29 a.m. - A Puffton Village woman told police someone may have entered her home overnight and turned on the light in the living room. *that is SOOOO SUSPICIOUS*
THURSDAY, APRIL 5
MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENTS
9:12 p.m. - Michelle S. Rollins, 38, of Three Rivers lost control of the vehicle she was driving on South East Street. The vehicle hit the gravel shoulder and eventually rolled onto its roof, police said.
Rollins suffered minor injuries and was taken by Amherst Fire Department ambulance to Cooley Dickinson Hospital in Northampton for treatment, police said.
Rollins' vehicle sustained heavy damage, police said.
*I drove past this accident on my way home from my parents house, and there were 2 fire trucks, and ambulance, and at least 4 cop cars. I will also note that she is not related to me...*
SATURDAY, APRIL 7
CITIZEN ASSISTANCE
9:27 a.m. - Police are working with Village Park tenants and management to resolve ongoing noise issues related to a woman who regularly uses a treadmill in the early-morning hours.
DISTURBANCES
10:42 p.m. - A Mill Hollow Apartments resident celebrating Easter by yelling was advised to calm down.
MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENTS
10:34 a.m. - A U-Haul rental vehicle struck the low railroad bridge on South East Street, causing minor damage to the vehicle, police said.
The vehicle was able to back out from the bridge, but later got stuck in a nearby field and had to be towed, police said.
*this is why you shouldn't drive a U-haul rental vehicle unless you ACTUALLY know what you're doing...*
SUNDAY, APRIL 8
BREAK-INS
6:53 p.m. - Police received a report that the Amherst Survival Center on North Pleasant Street had been broken into through a kicked-in door.
The intruder is alleged to have stolen loose change and left excrement on the floor, police said.
*Ew?*
MONDAY, APRIL 9
NOISE COMPLAINTS
6:05 a.m. - Police responded to Village Park after receiving a complaint about a woman using an exercise machine that woke up a neighbor. Police asked management to help mediate the situation.
*This lady and her treadmill!*
SATURDAY, APRIL 14
SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY
8:49 a.m. - A Shays Street resident reported 27 trash bags thrown into the woods near his property. Police determined the bags were filled with remnants from a large barbecue. Police are investigating who illegally disposed of the trash.
*I was fully expecting the trash bags to be filled with body parts, not barbecue remnants...although I do enjoy how they worded this one*
CITIZEN ASSISTANCE
12:23 p.m. - A downtown resident told police a neighbor took photographs of him while he was gardening.
*was he wearing his sexy gardening outfit?*
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Apple Scruffs
I realize everybody has their own opinion on the beatles.
Some love John, others Ringo.
I however, think George was (and quite frankly, still is) the best Beatle.
Wah wah, John Lennon got shot, wahh, nanny nanny boo boo. Cry me a river.
George got stabbed betch! ...and he didn't die.
okay, I josh, but still, George is the best, and there's not an argument in the world that could ever make me change my mind.
All my favorite Beatles songs are the ones that George wrote
(and because John and Paul were decks, and didn't want to share songwriting royalties, he basically got one song per album)
I won't even attempt to explain the depth of my love for All Things Must Pass.
I also like to imagine George and Bob Dylan's friendship. The mental image of the two of them on a tandem bike, much like that scene in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (*sidenote*my ALL TIME FAVORITE FILM), and yes, it will be a montage set to the sweet sweet stylings of Burt Bacharach.
this is where I insert the George/Bob songs that I love so much
I like to think that they keep looking at each other because they're deeply in love...
George was a beautiful human being, and I hope that his soul has been reincarnated into some precious baby somewhere, born into the home of a music-loving family, and they will nurture him and he will grow up to become George Harrison 2.0
and now, I give you (and by you, I mean me) some super classy youtube videos that prove how amazing the youngest and cutest of the Beatles really was.
This is my JAM when I need to get PUMPED UP, or just elevate the humors.
and FINALLY, because we all need some SILLY George Harrison:
(Ariel, I hope this song is now forever stuck in your head! HAH!)
Some love John, others Ringo.
I however, think George was (and quite frankly, still is) the best Beatle.
Wah wah, John Lennon got shot, wahh, nanny nanny boo boo. Cry me a river.
George got stabbed betch! ...and he didn't die.
okay, I josh, but still, George is the best, and there's not an argument in the world that could ever make me change my mind.
All my favorite Beatles songs are the ones that George wrote
(and because John and Paul were decks, and didn't want to share songwriting royalties, he basically got one song per album)
I won't even attempt to explain the depth of my love for All Things Must Pass.
I also like to imagine George and Bob Dylan's friendship. The mental image of the two of them on a tandem bike, much like that scene in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (*sidenote*my ALL TIME FAVORITE FILM), and yes, it will be a montage set to the sweet sweet stylings of Burt Bacharach.
this is where I insert the George/Bob songs that I love so much
I like to think that they keep looking at each other because they're deeply in love...
George was a beautiful human being, and I hope that his soul has been reincarnated into some precious baby somewhere, born into the home of a music-loving family, and they will nurture him and he will grow up to become George Harrison 2.0
and now, I give you (and by you, I mean me) some super classy youtube videos that prove how amazing the youngest and cutest of the Beatles really was.
This is my JAM when I need to get PUMPED UP, or just elevate the humors.
and FINALLY, because we all need some SILLY George Harrison:
(Ariel, I hope this song is now forever stuck in your head! HAH!)
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
still 30 years too young
Here is the MAIN reason why Robert Plant should've never grown facial hair...
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